I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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