Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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