So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
