I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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