There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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