We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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