just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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