I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
