I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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