I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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