I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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