I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
