no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am one with the molecules
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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