once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My vagina just recognized that song.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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