Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The uberlube is also flammable
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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