i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
