he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
