thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Houston, we have a blender
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
