i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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