i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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