i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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