they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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