I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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