8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
