Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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