So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
