so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
