Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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