At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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