I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
