If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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