I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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