i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
