Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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