Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
