Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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