I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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