More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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