It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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