I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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