Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
