I just made out with a guy for $7.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I just sharted jello shots
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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