im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Panties = found
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
