just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
