He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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