Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
