We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
