Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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