could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize