Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
