One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
