best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize