So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
