last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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