1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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