Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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