the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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