my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
