Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just high enough for therapy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
