True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
