I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
