well I can't set my house on fire every night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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